Fleet 1 – Rifter Hindenburg Style Disaster
A 25 man rifter gang is formed. 6VDT is reeking of trolling and jailbait pics. TS is rapant with sexual innuendo, the jokes, other jokes, and oh so more jokes. Everyone is stoked for our nearly weekly “suicide” fleet consisting of strictly shield tanked, kite oriented Rifters. Mission: we roam and stomp until the last man stands. No one returns in a ship. The fleet forms up, and a soft spoken, open-minded, “huggy hug” FC takes over. As as I would soon find out, the FC also contained a serious lack of basic fleet movements and stress management.
The OP starts out great – we scared the shit out of a few mining and ratting neuts, nearly catching a few jewing it up at the belts. The FC leads the fleet well, and off we jump back into the system from the previous night’s kitchen sink fleet’s success in Delve. Seeing an additional 25 people in local, we all warp to every celestial in the system in case a ratter was caught off guard. No shows, so off to the station. The fleet regroups at the station, but many of us are at various distances from the undocking point (from 0m – 25m). A group of around 10 battlecruisers, T3’s, and T2 cruisers undock. The FC hesitates to initiate permission to engage for nearly 7 seconds, and around 10 of the frigates closest to the undock engage. These frigates are webbed and nearly insta-popped, so the FC fleet warps us, leaving any frigate stuck in scram or disrupt behind. Come to find out, we are warped to A BELT at 0m.
Upon landing, the FC begins debating to himself over teamspeak whether we should engage or where to warp next. A serious of chatter erupts, TS is bogged in chatter, when an interdictor bubbles the entire fleet – and the enemy warps in, utterly decimating our Rifters. We all go up in flames, burning faster than the Hindenburg if it had been full of chain smokers. A primary had been heard on TS and we had even gotten a few shots away at a Repub Stabber, but the fat lady had been singing since the fleet warp command to the belt had been initiated. Everyone is popped, and around 2/3 are podded (including me). The FC repeatedly apologizes for the “sucky roam,” we will have “better luck next time,” our ships were “cheap as hell to boot,” and this was supposed to be a “suicide fleet anyways,” bullshit bullshit etc. We all get back to Fountain one way or another, and it’s done.
Fleet 2 – HAC Cane Mega Blunder
6VDT was buzzing yet again and it was time to recover from last night’s stellar Hindenburg reenactment. This time, the fleet is made of HAC canes and drakes. All fit with our nano’s and shield tanks, we muster at a POS and wait for the stragglers. A very different FC personality gets on TS, abruptly interrupting the chatter with a somewhat condescending, overbearing voice to announce his “rules” for the fleet. For the next 5 minutes, we are explained “his” rules of the fleet, and if you don’t “agree” with the rules, then GTFO. He threatens to “instantaneously kick” anyone from the fleet who back talks, follows an incorrect order, etc etc. Five minutes past planned departure time the FC requests a muster, and 3 people are absent, still fitting ships in the station. A flurry of anger erupts from the FC into TS at the late newcomers. One tries to explain himself but is cut off with a “STFU you dick” and a few other dry comments. TS chatter goes silent. The FC, after roughly 10 seconds of mute voices, awkwardly says “Oh guys don’t worry about it, you know I’m just kidding.” A few uncomfortable laughs are heard over TS, and for the remainder of the two hour OP, only the FC’s voice is heard.
After 15 mins. of jumping, we hit a few systems with minimal numbers of hostiles. Our only scout (in a frigate), a fairly new capsuleer to the profession, calls out numbers and ship types in TS. However, the FC is constantly talking in TS to make up for the lack of chatter from our continually silent 25 man gang, often drowning out or ignoring the scout. The FC gets angry at the scout for “not relaying information,” berating him in TS with the “STFU you are terrible, you are never scouting again” rant for a few minutes, ending with the “Oh you know I’m just kidding let’s get this done. But really.” TS remains silent of any other voice but the FC’s minus a few “chill outs” from older players to the FC.
Fast forward to Delve. We are nearly into the same system as the previous night. Our scout spots a drake in the next system who just warped 10 km from the gate. By this time, our FC in his Rapier had been jumping ahead with the scout, most likely to “make sure” his intel was correct. The FC and scout uncloak and recloak, but the Drake noticed them. Within the time it takes an asshat to successfully troll post on eve’s forum, a group of hostile ships warp to the Drake. (Remember, the remainder of the HAC fleet is on the incoming gate still). The FC begins calling out the types of ships but in mid sentence announces “Gate is Green Green GREEN.” Well all jump in, and the fight ensues.
The FC primaries a logistics ship. We begin to fire. Nothing is touching this logi. ¾ shields are eaten, 3 of our pilots pop. Logi is repaired to ½ shield. 6 more canes pop. A new primary is called, FC screams “There were 4 Logi Pilots! 4! Why the hell didn’t I see that.” Within roughly 20 more seconds, all but 3 of our 25 man gang are popped and most podded.
LESSONS
I purposefully built the suspense during the first paragraphs within each story of this post to simulate the excitement we all had those nights. This is usually how every fleet roam begins, no matter what the circumstances. The remainder of the stories were short, less descriptive—almost numbing. I did this on purpose as well, for that’s the feeling every member had in the pits of our stomachs. A short, pointless roam wasting everyone’s time.
NOW WAIT before the flames come, we at TEST are one of the least serious alliances in game. We do not whore killmails, don’t care about our killboard situation, and laugh at the “LEET” PvP dogma. However, what many others including myself care about is – TIME and FUN. I don’t enjoy spending 1.5 hours out of my available two flying through 20 jumps under ignorant FC’s just to be insta popped with the rest of the fleet back into Fountain. What’s the point? Some would say “it trains noobs” and “builds team cohesiveness” – incorrect, sir. It rather destroys morale and participation for future OPS. Who wants to go on roam after roam destined to become total FAILS?
Well believe it or not, the FC is ultimately the one responsible for the fleet. If the fleet fails, some serious mistake or more often a culmination of smaller mistakes was made. The members of the fleet are also responsible, for they are the ones most often making the smaller mistakes which can sway the battle – HOWEVER, of the real knee slappers come from the actual FC, epically miscalculating primaries, intel, movements, etc.
Other Stuffs
So about a week into Test Alliance, I’ve been having – well… – a BLAST. OPS take place at various times during the day, so I’ve had the opportunity to fly with my new alliance mates 3 days in a row. During the down time after or between roams I’ve taken up mining (YES mining) in a newly purchased Hulk. I haven’t mined in months but am terribly bored of pewing rats, so I joined a random fleet tearing up a grav site. Great time, even got to see a Rorqual in action.
So, before the fleet discussion, a few things I’ve learned to follow and deal with in Fountain (most things are “no shit,” but still reiterated).
2) If you go out on the OP, be ready to die gloriously nearly every time. For some reason, I’ve been primaried in all three of the past fleets even though I blend in with fleet composition.
3) Mining is a shit ton more profitable out in nullsec (duh).
4) Don’t join a fleet if you know the FC’s a dumbass or hothead.
5) There will always be faggy bombers in 6VD-T.
6) Make friends all over the alliance, don’t just stick to your corps. Participate in more than fleet ops—it will lead you to greater opportunity for endless fun/wealth/knowledge.
Band
theevewalk 