Onward Brave TESTes–A Discussion on FC’s

Fleet 1 – Rifter Hindenburg Style Disaster

            A 25 man rifter gang is formed. 6VDT is reeking of trolling and jailbait pics. TS is rapant with sexual innuendo, the jokes, other jokes, and oh so more jokes. Everyone is stoked for our nearly weekly “suicide” fleet consisting of strictly shield tanked, kite oriented Rifters. Mission: we roam and stomp until the last man stands. No one returns in a ship. The fleet forms up, and a soft spoken, open-minded, “huggy hug” FC takes over. As as I would soon find out, the FC also contained a serious lack of basic fleet movements and stress management.

The OP starts out great – we scared the shit out of a few mining and ratting neuts, nearly catching a few jewing it up at the belts. The FC leads the fleet well, and off we jump back into the system from the previous night’s kitchen sink fleet’s success in Delve. Seeing an additional 25 people in local, we all warp to every celestial in the system in case a ratter was caught off guard. No shows, so off to the station. The fleet regroups at the station, but many of us are at various distances from the undocking point (from 0m – 25m). A group of around 10 battlecruisers, T3’s, and T2 cruisers undock. The FC hesitates to initiate permission to engage for nearly 7 seconds, and around 10 of the frigates closest to the undock engage. These frigates are webbed and nearly insta-popped, so the FC fleet warps us, leaving any frigate stuck in scram or disrupt behind. Come to find out, we are warped to A BELT at 0m.

            Upon landing, the FC begins debating to himself over teamspeak whether we should engage or where to warp next. A serious of chatter erupts, TS is bogged in chatter, when an interdictor bubbles the entire fleet – and the enemy warps in, utterly decimating our Rifters. We all go up in flames, burning faster than the Hindenburg if it had been full of chain smokers. A primary had been heard on TS and we had even gotten a few shots away at a Repub Stabber, but the fat lady had been singing since the fleet warp command to the belt had been initiated. Everyone is popped, and around 2/3 are podded (including me). The FC repeatedly apologizes for the “sucky roam,” we will have “better luck next time,” our ships were “cheap as hell to boot,” and this was supposed to be a “suicide fleet anyways,” bullshit bullshit etc. We all get back to Fountain one way or another, and it’s done.

Fleet 2 – HAC Cane Mega Blunder

            6VDT was buzzing yet again and it was time to recover from last night’s stellar Hindenburg reenactment. This time, the fleet is made of HAC canes and drakes. All fit with our nano’s and shield tanks, we muster at a POS and wait for the stragglers. A very different FC personality gets on TS, abruptly interrupting the chatter with a somewhat condescending, overbearing voice to announce his “rules” for the fleet. For the next 5 minutes, we are explained “his” rules of the fleet, and if you don’t “agree” with the rules, then GTFO. He threatens to “instantaneously kick” anyone from the fleet who back talks, follows an incorrect order, etc etc. Five minutes past planned departure time the FC requests a muster, and 3 people are absent, still fitting ships in the station. A flurry of anger erupts from the FC into TS at the late newcomers. One tries to explain himself but is cut off with a “STFU you dick” and a few other dry comments. TS chatter goes silent. The FC, after roughly 10 seconds of mute voices, awkwardly says “Oh guys don’t worry about it, you know I’m just kidding.” A few uncomfortable laughs are heard over TS,  and for the remainder of the two hour OP, only the FC’s voice is heard.

            After 15 mins. of jumping, we hit a few systems with minimal numbers of hostiles. Our only scout (in a frigate), a fairly new capsuleer to the profession, calls out numbers and ship types in TS. However, the FC is constantly talking in TS to make up for the lack of chatter from our continually silent 25 man gang, often drowning out or ignoring the scout. The FC gets angry at the scout for “not relaying information,” berating him in TS with the “STFU you are terrible, you are never scouting again” rant for a few minutes, ending with the “Oh you know I’m just kidding let’s get this done. But really.” TS remains silent of any other voice but the FC’s minus a few “chill outs” from older players to the FC.

            Fast forward to Delve. We are nearly into the same system as the previous night. Our scout spots a drake in the next system who just warped 10 km from the gate. By this time, our FC in his Rapier had been jumping ahead with the scout, most likely to “make sure” his intel was correct. The FC and scout uncloak and recloak, but the Drake noticed them. Within the time it takes an asshat to successfully troll post on eve’s forum, a group of hostile ships warp to the Drake. (Remember, the remainder of the HAC fleet is on the incoming gate still). The FC begins calling out the types of ships but in mid sentence announces “Gate is Green Green GREEN.” Well all jump in, and the fight ensues.

            The FC primaries a logistics ship. We begin to fire. Nothing is touching this logi. ¾ shields are eaten, 3 of our pilots pop. Logi is repaired to ½ shield. 6 more canes pop. A new primary is called, FC screams “There were 4 Logi Pilots! 4! Why the hell didn’t I see that.” Within roughly 20 more seconds, all but 3 of our 25 man gang are popped and most podded.

LESSONS 

            I purposefully built the suspense during the first paragraphs within each story of this post to simulate the excitement we all had those nights. This is usually how every fleet roam begins, no matter what the circumstances. The remainder of the stories were short, less descriptive—almost numbing. I did this on purpose as well, for that’s the feeling every member had in the pits of our stomachs. A short, pointless roam wasting everyone’s time.

            NOW WAIT before the flames come, we at TEST are one of the least serious alliances in game. We do not whore killmails, don’t care about our killboard situation, and laugh at the “LEET” PvP dogma. However, what many others including myself care about is – TIME and FUN. I don’t enjoy spending 1.5 hours out of my available two flying through 20 jumps under ignorant FC’s just to be insta popped with the rest of the fleet back into Fountain. What’s the point? Some would say “it trains noobs” and “builds team cohesiveness” – incorrect, sir. It rather destroys morale and participation for future OPS. Who wants to go on roam after roam destined to become total FAILS?

Well believe it or not, the FC is ultimately the one responsible for the fleet. If the fleet fails, some serious mistake or more often a culmination of smaller mistakes was made. The members of the fleet are also responsible, for they are the ones most often making the smaller mistakes which can sway the battle – HOWEVER, of the real knee slappers come from the actual FC, epically miscalculating primaries, intel, movements, etc.

Other Stuffs

            So about a week into Test Alliance, I’ve been having – well… – a BLAST. OPS take place at various times during the day, so I’ve had the opportunity to fly with my new alliance mates 3 days in a row. During the down time after or between roams I’ve taken up mining (YES mining) in a newly purchased Hulk. I haven’t mined in months but am terribly bored of pewing rats, so I joined a random fleet tearing up a grav site. Great time, even got to see a Rorqual in action.

            So, before the fleet discussion, a few things I’ve learned to follow and deal with in Fountain (most things are “no shit,” but still reiterated).

2)      If you go out on the OP, be ready to die gloriously nearly every time. For some reason, I’ve been primaried in all three of the past fleets even though I blend in with fleet composition.

3)      Mining is a shit ton more profitable out in nullsec (duh).

4)      Don’t join a fleet if you know the FC’s a dumbass or hothead.

5)      There will always be faggy bombers in 6VD-T.

6)      Make friends all over the alliance, don’t just stick to your corps. Participate in more than fleet ops—it will lead you to greater opportunity for endless fun/wealth/knowledge.

Band

Ninja v. Ninja Pwnage

Ninja vs. Ninja PWNAGE – 6 July 2011

            So last night I decided to run a few lvl 4’s in Balginia, even though the excitement of wormhole ganks have been a constant lure. However, I decided to continue the mission grinding, wanting that 10.0 standing with Brutor Tribe for trade purposes in Rens as well as a few storyline missions. I was on my second round of “Infiltrated Outposts,” went back to get my noctis, and realized there were not one—not two—but three ninjas fluttering about in the second pocket.

Now ladies and gents, I earned an eve living ninjaing for nearly 6 months and I know (I like to think) nearly every tactic in the book for the sensitive craft, as well as the options to combat it. Upon entering that pocket, three red squares screamed “ninja fail.” They proceeded to steal items out of the wrecks, orbiting, bumping, and relocking my noctis to insight a response.  These mates were not aiming to merely salvage, they were here to gain agro. However, rule #1 was broken: “Never let the MR know how many you have in your fleet.” When a ninja strike consists of multiple ninjas, you can bet that 1) an Orca to trade for bigger guns lie in wait or 2) the fleet is poorly organized and misunderstands fundamentals in gaining agro against MR’s.  Only hot off the battleship lvl 1 players, unfamiliar with ninjas, would agro such a team.

So, as I microwarped all around to get every ounce of plush compound left, one of my corps mates NiFtY comes online. I quickly tell him to get his ass over to Balginia, we had some ninjas to stomp. NOTE: If there are any “true” ninjas reading this post, then you are aware of an unofficial code of nearly unknown origins similar to the pirate codes of ole – “Other ninjas are off limits.” This code of ole was a form of protection for the first generation of true ninjas in Eve—there were so few at first that most formed small communities to share tactics and strategies etc. and thus had little desire to kill one another. This chivalry has been fast fading and I am not a believer in ehonor past making a fool of yourself in local chat. However, being a wreckage gimper once myself, I normally strike up a conversation with an invading player and make friends talking about ninjaing. However, an interesting and ultimately devastating (for them) rift in the usual dialogue came through.

As I began stealing the remaining ore (12 cans left), I received a convo from “Uriel” as I will shorten is name. He proceeded to mock my choice of mission running, my “carebear” activities etc., even after I attempted a friendly chat about ninjaing. His goal was to elicit a response many four month old characters would do – to go back and get my Machariel to seek revenge. However, myself being knowledgeable in ninja tactics on agro, refused and let him know of my knowledge of these ninja tricks. He declined a break in persona to continually insult me, so thus IT WAS ON.

The conversation ended abruptly with Uriel and a meager three cans were left in the mission. I attempted to keep the three ninjas in the mission until NiFtY arrived (2 jumps out), but one by one they began to warp off. Uriel and the third perp warped out, leaving the player “Jimmy 15” in the mission. I nicknamed this 2009 Kestrel flying character “Jims” and proceeded to following him around in the mission using my microwarp. I kept locking and relocking him, hoping my antics would entice him to stay in the mission long enough for NiFtY to jump on him. However, just as NiFtY jumped into Balginia, Jims warped to station. Normally if I am ninja’d while online by myself, I would immediately go back for the Dramiel and go for the kill. However, I didn’t want to play station games and was hoping for a hotdrop.

Disappointed and irritated, I warped back to the station, docked up, and undocked in my Dramiel just in case. NiFtY hovered 20km from the undocking point in his “frigate killing” Drake. We waited roughly 10 minutes, doubting he would be dense enough to undock with an agro timer while I was still in the system. However, just as NiFtY was talking of returning to his Incursion, ol’ Jims undocked in his Kestrel. No matter what the kill or the situation, my heart always starts pounding like a cheesy dub step song and my mouse pointer madly clicks the lock button. I approach the undocking frigate, and no sooner than two seconds I have a lock, scram, web, and two tech II auto cannons rattling off on Jims. With two bursts of my cannons he is down to ½ structure as I notice him attempting to redock into the station. Just before my third round goes off, a volley of rockets from NiFtY’s drake strikes the kestrel, winning the kill blow. The kill is updated on battleclinic, a measly 1 million, but worth 1 billion in the hilarity that is to come.

NINJA PWNAGE. After a few spurts of that catchy phrase into local chat, the next nearly 1.5 hours are spent in one of the biggest troll fests I’ve ever seen in a non-trade hub system. Jims’ allies return, hovering around the system like sad children who just missed the ice cream truck. Ignited by Jims, local chat erupts in a troll fest seconded by Uriel, filled with epeen references and lols, with myself and NiFtY spanking the fail ninjas in nearly each and every uttered comment. Their trolling reached a peak level when NiFtY and myself began posting the killmail over and over in local chat. Jims demanded I undock in my Machariel, wanting to take me on in his Proteus. I laughed cynically, calling him out as a fool and fail. The highlight of the conversation began with these all too common words “I’ll wardec your corps, I’ll camp you for months, your corps will disband unless you come and fight me.” Local Balginia onlookers began degrading the fail ninjas as well after this, calling their sleezy bluff. I merely said “DO IT SON DO IT.”

However, Jims’ epeen must have shrunk to an all time low after local began berating him, and he slowly lumped off to “fight a vindicator.” But no no my friends, the fun had just begun! NiFtY and myself began emailing all our contacts who were online, spammed Rens and Illinfrik, saying these words : “1,000,000 isk to anyone who evemails “Jimmy 15” with the subject headline “Wittle Epeen” with the following message: www.battleclinic.comlkashdfh.” Soon nearly half of Heimatar region itself was emailing Jims that killmail! Good times in New Eden. By the way, for you, the reader, I am going to charge you this onetime fee for having read this blog. Follow the directions just explained above and evemail that Jimmy 15 with the killmail, then evemail “The Median” in game to get a little reward! – Band

“The Low-Sec Nobility”

So last night NiFtY and I decided to go out for a low sec roam in search of faction spawns in the Heimatar region. I’m not going to tell you our usual hotspots—gotta save all the spawns for me! Anyways, NiFtY fits out a passive shield fitted Drake with nearly 30k+ shield HP with a moderate amount of DPS, and I fit out a stabber with tech II autocannons and some neuts. I always roll with a PvP fit when going out on low/null sec faction spawn runs. We are not there to rat, but to perform hit-and-run smackdowns on only faction spawn ships. Grab the loot—and gtfo! If we by chance find an opportunistic fight or get ambushed, the PvP fit comes into action!

I undock in my stabber named “ol’ spice” and we proceed into lowsec starting in Uplinger (clue to near my faction spawn hotspots). Fortunately or unfortunately, it was to be a two man gang—the rest of the 15 members were offline at this time. Jumping into uplinger, we immediately see local explode with around 15 players with small groups of same-corps members. They were not in a common alliance, but no matter – any lowsec system with 4+ additional people vs. our two man gang is unwarranted, so we proceed as usual.

Traveling a few jumps deeper into the darkness, we come to our first target destination. Jumping through the gate, I notice a single player in local, a Jan. 2011 character, to be known as “the noble.” NiFtY and myself immediately try to d-scan him down, but are unable to get a definitive lock. He was warping around constantly through the system—and the problem with our secret, usually unpopulated system is that it is VERY large. Many roid belts and planets are over 30AU from each other, and thus it is difficult to pick things up on d-scan without seriously flying around.

Not worried about a 2011 hurricane, we begin scouring the belts for faction spawns. We notice quite a few wrecks and a few abandoned T1 hobgoblins—the noble must have warped to safety in a hurry when we booted into system. Upon reaching the fifth belt down, the belt which would have been next on “the noble’s” list due to the wreckage pattern, I spot “True Sansha Mannslayer.” Immediately I bark into voice chat to NiFtY, “Faction spawn, frigate, warp warp warp.” When going after a faction spawn, no matter how big or small, ALWAYS warp scramble it – they will periodically warp to another belt. And since “the noble” was in local, I wasn’t going to risk him sniping the frigate in another belt. With a few cackles of my 425mm autto’s, and the frigate is down. I take the loot, and we warp to safe spots to analyze the spoils. A few faction crystals and tags – perhaps 5 million isk total, but a spawn’s a spawn!

We were about to head to the next system on our way to hotspot two, when the hurricane popped up on my d-scan for the first time in about 5 minutes. I quickly narrow the scan angle from 360 to 30 and began dropping scans at groups of planets and belts. I find him – near planet VI along with two asteroid belts. Nifty warps to the custom’s office for the planet and I warp to the planet itself. We didn’t choose to go to the belts under the logic that the cane had already been hiding this entire time. Warping through belts is just not a “good” idea when you are outnumbered and outgunned. However, he wasn’t there, of course. I quickly begin d-scanning all over the pockets of celestial bodies, my heart pounding ever harder and the excitement building. There is nothing like the PvP hunt through d-scan—when you finally get that definitive hit, it’s all glitter farting unicorns from there.

I continue d-scanning, tracking the movements of the cane while NiFtY warped to each group of bodies I called out (in case by pure luck he dropped on him). This cane was warping abnormally fast. Most canes are armor fitted due to the higher number of lowslots, but due to the seemingly constant movement of this cane, it was most likely shield tanked. After about 2 minutes of tracking, I began to see a pattern – he was warping between celestial bodies, at first I thought to be planets, in a predictable “scroll down list” planet format. Myself and NiFtY both warp to two planets ahead of the predicated path and waited…no cane. I’m thinking to myself at this time the guy is warping between multiple safespots, impossible to find without my beloved cheetah 13 jumps away.

Suddenly, he’s back on d-scan—but I’ve found him! He is in one of the two asteroid belts near the planet I am camping. I quickly choose an asteroid belt at random, cross my monocle crushing fingers, and warp to 20km. I inform NiFtY of hot pursuit, and dive head first into the belt. White SQUARE. I excitedly spat over voice comms “Found em found em, warp warp warp.” NiFtY yells back “Already in mid warp to neighboring belt, eta 14 seconds.” Thus, it’s my near paper thin stabber vs. a moderately shield tanked cane, and come to find out, my warp in at 20km has put me a mere 5000m from the cane—his optimal cannon range. I lock, switch on all modules: afterburner, autocannons, neuts, and warp disruptor. I burn straight upwards, attempting to get into that 20km orbit. Lucky for me, the cane (as we soon found out) was a PvE fit for ratting – no scrams or webs to boot. I gradually get to my 20km orbiting range but not after he was able to tear about 3/5 of my shields. I enter the safety of the orbit, out of his cannon range, holding him in the belt until NiFtY can get into the fight.

Suddenly and very much delayed indeed, a swarm of 5 warrior I’s undock from the cane and cluster all over my ol’ spice. Shields start to get slowly eaten away to nearly 4/5 capacity, when just in time NiFtY warps in at 15km from the cane and commences a heavy barrage of missiles with disruptor and web accompaniment. I quickly warp to the neighboring belt, getting out before my armor starts to take a hit.

Over voice comms, NiFtY keeps me updated as I realign and begin to warp back into the fight. “You chewed through about 1/3 of his shields, I’m eating ‘em up now. Come on back in. This guy’s ours!” I warp back in with about 3/5 shields left from a short respite of regeneration, and begin orbiting at 5000m to neut and autocannon. The cane’s shuttering from missile after missile and barrage of republic fleet fusion rounds until finally he’s into armor. He locks me again and fires with all he’s got left, chewing my shields off and into armor.  However, soon enough, he drops into structure and then the pop. We attempt to lock his pod, but he warps out to a gate quickly. Just before leaving local, “the noble” says “GF guys” and jumps out. We loot the wreck and post the killmail – 50 million isk kill but only 2.5mill in surviving items.

NiFtY and I proceed with the rest of the roam, scouring the neighboring systems until we discover a True Sansha cruiser spawn. We get the kill, get an additional 50 million worth of faction items, and proceed to jump a few more towards nullsec. After chasing a few more potential targets until they hid in safespots, we called it a night. I evemailed our previous kill for a “gf” since I’d missed his chatting in local after the fight. He evemailed back—and I give him the utmost credit. The message was full of gf’s and talking about what had happened in the fight. Apparently he had been cruising between safespots, noticed on his d-scan that we had been killing rats (for that faction spawn), so he deemed us ratters and began to go ratting again himself. I give him props for living out in lowsec being such a young character and even more for acting “the noble.” -Band